Restrain Your Spunk
by regertz
Summary: -Will and Angel are seeking to enter the field of artistic endeavor and have a brilliant concept for doing so...


"Restrain Your Spunk..."

PG-13

Disclaimer: No, Joss, no...I make no claims, put that thing down! It's all yours and ME's.

Spoilers for Angel to this week...Flee at once!...

Summary: Will and Angel are seeking to enter the field of artistic endeavor and have a brilliant concept for doing so...

2010...Los Angeles...

"So let me get this straight..." narrow look from the deceptively slight, apparently youthful, clearly peroxided "blonde man" to the taller, dark-haired, "man" seated at his side...Who'd dropped his habitual, solemnly brooding air for the moment at least to don a rather pleased expression...

A well-deservedly pleased expression given that he could not only lay claim to having saved Humanity and the planet more authentically than Al Gore, but had achieved what might to some, particularly his "blonde" partner at his side, seem an even greater success...

"...You got us an interview with Garry Saul?...The Garry Saul?..."

"The...Garry...Saul..." the taller "man" nodded...

"To pitch our idea...Not to save a family member...Or...And given his character on the show, it wouldn't surprise me...Kill him as a hideous threat to Mankind...?"

"No saving...Except perhaps Season Eight...No killing...Unless of course..."

"Right..." the "blonde-haired man" sighed... "If she gets wind...Killing'll be on the menu..."

"I think you underestimate her sense of humor, Spike..." the other shook his head...

"And anyway...We're using the Meryl name...And it's likely she doesn't even watch the show ..."

Point there...the said Spike nodded...

A tall, fairly heavy-set, slightly harassed-looking man emerged from an inner office to the reception area where the first two waited...

"Jack..." the taller "man" rose extending a hand which the heavy-set man clasped...

"Liam..." the addressed Jack shook hands with vigor...

"And this is Will Walthrop...My partner..." Liam turned to Spike...Who nodded... "Jack Beige...Garry Saul's agent..."

"A pleasure..." William accepted a hearty handshake...

"Great to meet ya..." Jack took the slight "man" in ... "Well, fellas come on in...Garry'll be here in a mo or two..."

Angel eyed Will with arch expression...Didn't believe in me, eh?...

Fine...Ok...Will's look back said...

They followed Mr. Beige into his office, politely declining en route his offer of coffee, soda...Baga blood, no problem?...No?...

"So...William..." Jack carefully took a seat behind his desk...Hearty grin to Angel, now seated...

"Has this guy tole you how I owe him...And what you two owe this chance to?..." he put up a quick hand... "Not to say that your ideas aren't spectacular...I wouldn't even try to pitch Garry, not even for this guy..." Affectionate glance to Angel... "Without a spectacular idea...But has he tole you what he did for me and my wife?...This big lug..."

:"Our Liam's a prince of modesty..." Will, dryly... "He rescue your poodle or something?..."

Jack pulled over a framed photo of a slight, dark-haired woman of forty-something...A rather grim attempt at a smile on her face... "This is her...My Sallie...God...What I owe this guy..." he shook his head at Angel who modestly shook his own head back...No prob, Jack...

"Oh?..." Will eyed the photo... "He saved her, I take it..."

"Demon-possessed..." Jack patted the photo... "My poor sweet Sallie...Not a violent one, but God...Mouth like a sewer worker...Made my life a living hell...Chased quite a lot of business away, and not a few friends...Till this terrific guy came along and scared the living s...t of it..."

"No big deal, Jack...Glad to do it...Only tricky thing was spotting it and not hurting her getting it out..."

"Well, in any case, thanks to Liam here...My angel is back, safe and sound...Fully soul-restored and..."

Phone ring...

"Yeah?...Hey, Sal...Guess who I got...What?...Ummn...Yeah...Look I got...Ummn...Honey, I..."

Will eyed Angel as the hideous screaming from the earpiece reached them...Every other word an obscenity...

"She's better now?..." he hissed...

"Much..." Angel nodded...

"Sallie, Liam Angel's here...Ummn...Sal...Ok, ok..."

"So...'That miserable perverted f...k...' is her way of saying, 'thanks for saving me'...?" William whispered...

"I think she was a bit confused when I got the thing out of her..." Angel explained quietly... "Jack thought it best not to go into too many details about Demonity and all that with her..."

"Gotta go now, Sallie...Yeah...Yeah...Look, Garry's coming by in ten..."

Well...Least she's apparently not totally focused on Angel...Will noted to himself at the stream of invective that could be heard now rather easily from the earpiece...

"I'm remind him about the dinner party tonight, bye, hon...Bye...Love..."

"...ya..." Jack finished, a bit lamely at the obvious hang-up...

"It's so great to have her back..." he smiled at his guests...

A tall, lanky, balding man entered the room without knocking or pausing...Eyeing the two in their chairs with a frown...

"Hey...The man himself..." Jack addressed the new arrival... "Fellas...Garry Saul...Garry...Will Walthrop and my good buddy, Liam Angel..."

"Hey..." Saul offered a hand to William then Angel... "So you two are the guys...?"

"We're the ones..." Angel nodded...

Saul eyed him carefully... "And you're both..."

"Vampires..." Angel nodded... "But human-souled..."

"And terrific fellas..." Jack chimed in... "With the concept that is gonna make Season Eight a reality..."

Hmmn...Saul frowned...Yeah...Sigh...

"Garry?..." Jack stared... "You loved their concept...You said so...You know how many times you said so...And you agreed to this meeting..."

Yeah...Saul sighed... Eyeing the two...

"If you're not comfy workin' with the Undead, mate..." William began...

"Hmmn?...No, oh no...No...No..." Saul wagged a finger... "Don't go that way...Do not go that way, my friend..."

"What's the problem, then...?" Jack gave a frustrated shake of head and body...

"It's just..." Saul paused... "This alternate universe thing..." he shrugged...

"You loved the alternate universe thing...Just last night you said you loved the alternate universe thing as much as the Freak Book in Season Six..."

Yeeeaaaahhh...Saul sighed again... "Last night, I guess I did..."

"And the chance to flip Meryl's character...Meryl loves that, you know..." Jack insisted, turning to Angel and Will... "She...Loves...That...She's sick of being Ms. Perfect who never misses a step...It's obnoxious over time...Right, Garry?...Obnoxious?...And this is a chance to put Garry in the good guy's seat, right?...Right?..."

"Yeeeaaahhh..." Saul sighed yet again...

"Fellas?...Why don't you tell Garry how you came up with this one?...And what you envision the season to be like...Just a short summary..." Jack, encouragingly...Pushing with his hands...

"Garry, sit down...You're making me nervous..."

"Nah..."

"Sit..." Jack commanded... "These guys are brilliant and you loved their concept...Let them run through it for you..."

"Can I get some water?...Cheryl didn't have any water for me when I came in..."

"No water...?" Jack stared... "That's crazy...She had water...I had her get water...I had water..." he pressed a button on his desk intercom... "Hey, Cheryl?...You got water for Garry?..."

"Sure..." the answer came back... "But he didn't want what we had..."

"You didn't want it?..." Jack looked at the reluctantly seated Saul...

Eh... "It's that kind I don't like...Not the good water..."

"The good water?...Water's water..." Jack shrugged... "What water do you mean?..."

"You know...The good water...With the bunch of flowers on the label...The good water...You know that water?..." Saul looked at Angel and William...

"Sorry..." Angel shook his head...

"That's good water..." William nodded...

"Riiight..." Saul pointed a finger at him... "It is good water, isn't it?...Not like this stuff she's got out there today..."

Jack sighed...Pressing button again... "Cheryl...Is there any of the water with the bunch of flowers on the label?..."

"The good water..." Saul called...

"We're out..." Cheryl's voice replied...

"We're out..." Jack repeated... "You want something else...?"

"Eh...Nah..." Saul sighed... "I just wanted that water...I'm supposed to have a couple of bottles every day, you know..." he addressed William...

"Nothing better for the kidneys..." Will nodded... "Except, in our cases, a little of the red mixed in..."

"Right, the blood...You guys and the blood..." Saul nodded... "I vanna suck your blood...Right...No offense, intended..." he put up a hand...

"None taken...Except by Rumanians..." Will smiled...

"Right...Transylvania...You know..." Saul grinned... "I bet I'm more closely related to Dracula than you two are...I mean, you Angel...You're Irish, right?..."

"Surein I am..." Angel, smiling...

"And Walthrop...You sound...Brit?...Australian?..."

"Merrie ole Herself...London area, actually..."

"Exactly...Me...Mine are from Rumania...Some anyway...See what I mean...?" Saul, enthused...

"Very likely..." Will nodded... "Though I think the Dracule were Orthodox Christian before becoming pagan again..."

"But there's always one of us in the woodpile..." Saul smiled...Wagging finger... "We always manage to sneak in there, somehow...Why I bet Hitler..."

Jack, rolling eyes... "Garry?...Concept?...Let the boys do their thing?..."

"Sure, sure..." Garry waved a hand... "Actually I did love the idea with Meryl flipping character...I just was thinking...Maybe...Vamps...You know...What with that 'Twilight' and all...?"

"Overkill?..." William asked...

"Maybe just a tad..."

"But that's where we cut loose..." Angel said, rising... "The vampire bit is there...But only as the vehicle for the character flip...Small stuff in the larger picture...Though just enough of a hook to catch the end of the Twilight wave..."

"But my character...TV Garry...In the alternate universe..." Saul, hesitantly...

"Is a vamp...But human-souled..." Angel noted...

"A vampire with a soul?..." Saul sighed...

"Lame, we know..." William nodded... "But so was a show about nothing...On paper..."

"True enough..." Saul nodded, thoughtfully...

"The core concept is the flip of your wife's character...That's the real heart of the beast..." William rose...

"See...We were...To be honest...Not entirely satisfied with Season Six's breakup..." he continued...

"Though...It clearly did fit in with the character's arc..." Angel cut in...

Oh, please...Will sighed...

Arc?...

"The character's arc...?" Saul smiled...Rolling eyes...

"My partner's a demon-killing hero/lawyer...Not a writer, Garry..." William waved a hand...

"But the point is we both agreed it was a bit lame in S6...What, your wife gets fed up...As if no one saw that coming...Your character does the final idiocy that drives her off...And then..." he eyed Angel...Who seemed a bit peeved...

Angel?...

"...And then she gets to set the tone for your coming back...As they always do..." Angel noted...

"We end up with you trying to win her back by becoming 'new Garry'?...With her being ready to take you back for a moment after you've changed your clothes and mouthed a few feelly-goody sentiments...Jesus..." Angel frowned... "We both thought better of the Meryl character..."

"Sure..." Will continued... "She might get fed up with TV Garry...But over him being himself?...Wearing the clothes he's worn for years and that he's a perfect right to wear...What, clothes impress her that much?...We thought better of her, that's all we can say..."

"True..." Garry sighed...Jack nodding in concert... "I gotta say, once we did it...I did think...And the real Meryl, too...Didn't seem right for a woman like TV Meryl Saul to deny Garry's soul like that..."

"And S7..." William sighed, shaking head... "She wants a job on the 'Jerry' reunion show?...And is willing to let Garry make a fool of himself to get it for her..."

"As if..." Angel sighed...Likewise shaking head... "She's not the incredibly knowing, smart woman we've known for years...Who's read Garry like a book...She doesn't know what he's up to?...Or worse, she lets him do it...For a job?...Is this the woman Garry married?...The one he's tried to be a better man for all these years...?"

"Where's the Meryl who could accept him?...Yes, he's been a jerk...But what about the way she's been acting?...Following a dimwitted therapist's advice like Holy Writ?..." Will shook head... "Has she ever offered to change for him?...Where's the give-and-take?..."

"Yeah..." Jack nodded... "You know you never see that..."

"You never do..." William nodded... "It's always us...We're always the...Pardon the expression...A...holes...And we've got to change for them..."

"I didn't like the casual stuff Meryl wears in some scenes..."Angel nodded... "But if we were to say...'Hey, Nina'..." Er...

Will eyed him...Freudian one, mate...

"...'hey, Meryl...I don't like your grungy clothes...Wear nice stuff all the time'...We'd be the bad guys...Garry...TV Garry...Would be the bad guy..." Angel, insistently...

"You have a point there, my friend..." Garry nodded... "A pretty...Pretty...Good point..."

"Why doesn't Meryl have to change...A little?...Yes, she's near perfect in many ways...But...C'mon..."

"Pretty...Preetty...Good..." Saul nodded...

"So we came up with the alternate universe flip...Fantasy scenes to intersperse all through S8..." Angel pulled up a portfolio which had lain by his chair...Opening it and pulling out a portable easel which he opened and set on the floor, raising to eye level and putting a small stack of sketches on the easel...

"Thank God...No computer stuff..." Saul smiled... "I can never follow the computer stuff...Powerpoint and all that crap the kids try to show me these days..."

"Just pen and ink, mate..." William nodded... "So...You...TV Garry are, in our fantasy scenes, a tormented fellow...A good man, lost to the world by a cruel act of Fate...Misunderstood, abandoned..."

"I can go with that..." Saul agreed...

"A vampire...For over a century since he took a wrong turn after being rejected one night by his..."

"Will?..." Angel cut in... "I thought we agreed he was the victim of an experienced courtesan vampiress...Family issues driving him to her fiendish arms..."

"Cicely's my girl, Liam...And if she's the key to the story..."

"Fine...Great..."

"Fellas?..." Saul eyed them... "You're losing me here..."

"Minor artistic difference...We'll clean it up later..." William noted... "Anyway, the vampire bit is a trivial part of the matter...Any immortal curse really would do...The point is, your character...In the fantasy scenes...Is doomed to be the misunderstood, accursed one ever since his beloved kicked him out like a dog into the arms of a foul creature of the night...Who made him the monster men fear..."

"Sally?..." Saul grinned at Jack who frowned...

"We don't want to confuse relationships there, mate..." Will noted... "No, just a creature who made him, well..."

"The obnoxious TV Garry Saul..." Saul nodded...

"An allegory...But with the kicker that the girl...The lady love, I mean...The one who drove him to despair..."

"An old girlfriend made Garry what he is...?" Jack, intrigued...

"Pushed him along the path...Anyway, she's not gone out of his immortal existence...She turns up again in our modern world..." William said...Pointing to a sketch vaguely a cross between a childish sketch of Buffy and TV Meryl Saul...Stake in hand...

"What's that, a stake?..." Saul pointed...

"She's reincarnated as his nemesis...A vampire Slayer...Which she was, ironically, even then when they first met..." Will nodded...

"Vampire Slayer..." Saul nodded... Hmmn...

"Ball-buster by any other name..." Jack noted... "And was from the beginning...?"

"Exactly, mate...You catch the allegory..."

"So this...Slayer?...She kills his kind..." Saul asked...

"For the benefit and protection of Humanity..." Angel nodded... "Or so she likes to say...Though one might wonder...Given these creatures were human, once...And are generally innocent souls and victims...Why not try to rescue them?...Does she like it, the killing?..."

"The ball-busting..." Jack sighed...

"She's had another vamp lover...Who'd regained soul and fought on the right side..."

"That could be Dansen..." Saul eyed Jack... "TV Meryl and that little non-sexual romance we had goin' on with them in S6...Right?..."

"The wheels, boys...See the wheels turnin'..." Jack nodded...

"Ted Dansen?..." Angel beaming...

My dream cast...

"He has a wonderful wife...By modern times..." Angel noted, eagerly...

"Ms. Steenburgen would be perfect..." he suggested...

"Back to the storyline..." William frowned...Putting another sketch up...A crude rendering of Angel being shoved into a fiery furnace...Stick demons tormenting him with pitchforks...

"Hey, is that you?..." Saul asked Angel...

"She...Our Meryl the Slayer...Claims to love this one but never lifts a finger...Even to call on her Council of Watchers and their knowledge of the occult or her witchy friends..."

"Witchy friends...I can see the Meryl koffee klatsch now..."Garry grinned...

"...to lift the curse that keeps him from being able to be with her...Suggesting she's pretty comfy with his limitations..."

"Hey..." Angel growled...

"In being with her..." William noted...Angel calming... "To the point that when he fails to measure up and loses the soul...Though no real fault of his own, it being a loaner..."

Hey...

"She shoves him into Hell...Like that...To..." ummn... "Save the world..."

"Pretty much what they all say..." Saul noted...

"Yeah..." Angel, slight bitterness...

"And then she goes off to grieve a bit over the summer...Making as usual no real effort to help him or even see if he's making out ok in Hell...Until he returns...And she finds...Gee..." William places new sheet...

Angel walking towards a bunch of what appear to be crude sketches of buildings...

"He's moved on...To another city...And a new life...But opening the door to..."

"Me...?" Garry eyed the next sketch...A rather good likeness of him in leather jacket and t-shirt...

Cool...He and Jack nodded...

"Her original victim...Excuse me, true love...Who pretty much gets the same treatment as the other...Though being you..." William, smile...

"He fights his way back to souled status after she's used him for a while like a sex toy when he's been unable to help himself...I don't need to point out how a woman used in such like manner would be treated...Or the man who'd victimized her, even if she had been soulless during the abuse..."

"God, they'd crucify him..." Jack shook his head... "She could've been Hitler, they'd still crucify him..."

"And then...?" Saul asked, eagerly...

"He dies for her...And Humanity...While she kicks him around, abandons him to evil forces, and finally leaves him with the lamest 'I love you' in herstory..."

"The End?...No..." Saul shakes head...

"For TV Garry, alternate vampire self?...Certainly not...He returns...Saved by a dark force for its own purposes...Not by her...Or her occult friends..."

"Naturally..." Saul and Jack, chorus...

"But if it were her..." Saul sighed...

"An entire series about men dying to free her from her curse, natch..." William nodded...

"But it being the guy...Our TV Garry...She manages to move on pretty quick..."

"The End?..." Saul, Jack...Staring...

"He's still kickin'..." William noted...

"And the other has found happiness..." Angel, contentedly... "Though he does what he can to persuade his buddy TV Garry the vamp to find another...Constantly..."

"Dansen would do that..." Garry nodded... "TV Ted, I mean...Real Ted's a beautiful guy, of course...But TV Ted would probably push him that way..."

"The other, the good buddy...Has the best intentions...Souled and all..." Angel, hastily...

"He wants the Meryl Slayer back on the side..." Saul, thoughtfully... "Being scheming all along..."

William eyeing Angel...

"S6 did suggest that, mate..." narrow look...

Promos…

Coming on S8, "Restrain Your Spunk…"

"Listen, pal…I said I want to use that stair-climber…" the head-

shaven, bulky, fortyish red-faced man belligerently insisted into

Garry's face…

Hmmn…Two short pre-soul months ago…Garry the Bloody thought…Sighing a

bit as he stood on one of three gym stairclimbers…

"Do you have your head stuck up your ass, pal?..."

"No…Though I'd like to see that…Wouldn't you?..."

"Are you trying to be funny, you stupid bald…Freaking J..b…s…"

"Did you just call me a freaking J…b…s?..." Garry, staring…

"Yeah, I called you a freaking J…b…s…" pulling him off stairclimber…

"Now get the f out of here before I get mad, you freak…"

"Thanks…" Garry nodded, pleased…

Cut to scene with Meryl the Slayer quizzing Garry…Who recites to her a

slightly, but only slightly edited version…

"So, you didn't hurt him even though he tried to push you around…You

got the gym attendant and had him kicked out?..." Meryl, suspiciously…

"I called the attendant…Though that girl…Please…She practically ran

from the place she was so scared of the guy…I actually had to call 911…

Police came…"

"Well, good…Good…" Meryl nodded… "You don't have to accept that

behavior, you've got a soul again…I'm proud of you, Garry…" Pat…

"Thanks…" pat back…

"What the hell are you doing?..." Meryl pulls back, reaching for

stake… "Why didn't your electronic chip fire?..."

"It's stopped working…But I've got a soul…It was just a friendly pat…"

"Get out of here…" she waved stake…

"But…"

"So she chased you off?..." best friend and manager Jack noted…

"She was bothered by the physical thing, I guess…Issues still with the

vampire bit…"

"F- that…She's been screwing you since she came back from the dead,

right?..."

"Yeah, but that was initiatory on her part…Anyway, thank God she

didn't find out what happened when the guy came after me later after

he got himself bailed out…"

"Well, self-defense…But she probably would've had issues…"

"It was so much easier without the soul, Jack…"

"Hell, it was easier for me not knowing you were a vampire…" Jack

shrugged… "Say, did you actually…?"

"Nah…You know it's a lot tougher to get a head up an ass than you

might think, even if you've got super strength…"

Cut to shot of dead bully in alley, face distorted in horror, spine

bent into unnatural position…

Jingly tune for "Restrain…" plays… Fade out…

Promo…

S8…

"Now lemme get this straight?..." faithful friend and agent Jack leans

back in chair… "You're a vampire…You've been a vampire all the time

I've known you…"

"Gotta admit it explains why I only made appointments in the evening

or on cloudy days…" Garry eyes him…

"Sure, right…But you got 'superpowers', right?..." makes quotes in air

on "superpowers"… "Vamps got superpowers, right?..."

"I guess…I didn't get a manual when I died, you know…Just a crazy

stichza siress… "

"Ok, but you do have 'powers'…?"

"Yeah…I can't fly, if that's your angle…"

"Nah, though that would be cool…"

"It would…" Garry nods…"But I do have superstrength…"

"You're sh..tting me…" Jack shakes head… "You are so…sh…tting me…You

couldn't even lift a vase of flowers with water that time Sallie asked

you to at that thing of ours..."

"Had to keep it under wraps...Look..." Garry lifts Jack's desk about a

foot off the ground with one hand... "Which thing?..." eyes the

impressed Jack...Whoa...

That does explain that time at the golf course...Not to mention why he

used the umbrella and that ultra sunblock...

"You know, the thing..." Jack waves a hand... "Sallie's thing a couple

of years ago...Where Ted got mad cause you kept trying to get alone

with Mary...?"

"Oh...That thing...Right..."

"Were you tryin' to...You know..."

"Nah, I just wanted to get Ted steamed...Meryl woulda killed me if

I'd've sunk 'em into Mary...Or any of our friends..."

"So Meryl and you were married, even when you were 'mad about killin',

Garry'?...And she was a vampire Slayer..."

"When I worked all the time on the 'Jerry' show, she didn't get a

chance to sense me out... 'Sides I had a soul floatin' around and us

goin' back so far...It confused her a little..."

"She slept with you every night and she didn't catch on?...A vampire

Slayer...?"

"I had this charm thing..." Garry notes... "Kinda protected my aura.."

"Occult deodorant for vamps?...Nice...So what happened, how'd she

finally catch you...?"

"The Tivo guy..." Garry sighed... "Right after I hung up on her, I ate

him...She'd got so mad at me on the plane when I didn't pay attention

to her, she raced home, Slayer speed...And there I was..."

"You were screwed..."

"Oh, yeah...She was gonna do it right then and there but...Something

from our past held her back..."

"Lucky for you, pal..."

"Hey..." Garry puts up a hand... "Though she did walk right after..."

"Well...Anyway, what I really wanted to know was...You bein' a vamp

and all...With all the 'powers' and all..."

"Oh...Right...The girls...Right?..."

"Yes, right...The girls...You're in LA and you're a vamp with thrall

powers...Where's your harem?...Or is that thrall stuff just a load of

crap from the Drac movies?..."

"No, it's real...A little harder than in the movies but I can do it if

I concentrate..."

"And...?"

"And what...?" Garry looks at Jack's expectant face...

"You're tellin' me you didn't have a harem?...When you were still pure

evil, at least?..."

"Nah, no harem...I was married...Whadaya expect?..."

"I expect Garry Saul the vamp to have a harem...On the side, of

course..."

"Meryl would have found out in a sec...Especially if I'd started

turning people we knew...And what, a bunch of young actresses, clerks,

secretaries, hangin' round me, drooling?...Meryl's not gonna notice

that?..."

"No harem?..."

"Nah..."

"Well, you musta had some girls...Julia Roberts?...C'mon, you musta

enthralled her...?"

"Nah...Too boney any way...And her brother...:" eyes Jack...

Yeah... The brother...

"Ok, but somebody...You couldn'ta walked round LA with thrall power

and not had one girl wanting to date you..."

"It's not easily with a Slayer wife...Then I got the soul and now I

know it's...Wrong..."

Pfthh...Jack sneered, eyeing his friend sardonically... "Wrong...Oh,

please..."

"You can't thrall, can you?..." he asked...

"Yes, I can thrall...I have thralled...A little...But souled vamps

don't do that sorta thing to get girls..."

"No?...Well then they must be gay..." Jack notes...

"I said I've thralled...Some pretty nice women too..."

"Oh, yeah?...Like who...?"

"Remember when Mel Brookie wanted me for 'The Producers'?...When Meryl

gave me the sex

pass?...Felicity, the actress who played Ulla?..."

"The one you said wanted you but you pissed her off over her George W.

photo?...I tole you Mel said she quit after that night..."

"Hey, some things are even too Evil for an evil Jew vampire..."

"You know I believe that you couldn't've got her without

thrall...Anyone else...?"

"Well...My dry cleaner..."

"The hot one?...Or the guy?..."

"Jesus...The hot one...What do you mean, the guy?..."

"Ok...Another?..."

"Well..."

"An actress who broke your hold with a W photo?...And a hot

drycleaner...Who admittedly did remind me of Gina Gershon...That's

it?...If I'd had thrall...Man..."

"It's not as easy as it looks in the Dracula movies...You put a woman

in thrall, then what?...People see Julia Roberts following you around,

they ask questions...You send her home or to work, she's mooning over

you all day, she's gone all pale and lethargic, people wondering what

the hell's up with her, does she need a shrink?...Has she got Lyme

Disease?...Even if you tell her to act natural, keep the two of you

quiet...She can't help going into trances or wanting to tell her

friends about this great guy she meets at night...Sooner or later

something slips out...You can't watch her 24/7..."

"I guess..." Jack eyes his friend a bit...

"Lyme Disease?...Why'd you mention Lyme Disease?..."

"I dunno..." Garry, cautiously... "Kinda the first thing that came to

mind...On my mind since Sallie that time..."

"Lyme Disease like you thought Sallie had a couple of years ago?...Did

you put my wife in thrall?...You did, didn't you?...Dr. Saul and his

'Lyme Disease'... F-!..."

"It wasn't intentional...Well, ok it was...I was still pure demonic

then..."

"You bit my wife and put her in thrall!...I can't believe you!..."

Jack, rising, rage in his face...

"It wasn't like that...It was a long time ago...Just before you met

her...And there was no penetration..."

"You had my wife before I met her?...F-!...F- you, Garry!..."

"Jack, I made her what she is...You didn't know what she was like

before..."

"My poor Sallie...What?...What do you mean, before?..."

"She was this religious, quiet, mousy girl...I saw her coming out of

Temple...Back when we were sharing an apartment for a while, in New

York..."

"That was when I met her, yeah..."

"I was Evil...Though your friend...And I was kinda split between

wanting to make your life a living hell and find you a nice

girl...So..."

"So...?"

"So I saw this nice mousy girl...I knew you'd like her, just your

type...And I put her in thrall and kinda...Changed her a little..."

"F-! You what?...Changed her?...You mean I don't even know my

wife?..."

"A little...A little..." Garry puts fingers together to indicate

infinitesmally small space... "And it was something buried in

her...She had a Sallie side..."

"Is that even her name?..." Jack glares...

"Of course... Her parents were at the wedding, remember?...You just

had a miserable weekend with her sister..."

"Yeah...Yeah... But what the hell did you do to her?..."

"I just brought her inner Sallie to the surface..."

"And?..."

"...well, I was Evil then...I did it to make you miserable...I knew

you'd like her enough to get hooked..."

"That's all?...No..." wave of hands...

"Sex?...With my best friend's wife...?"

"When you were even more of a jerk...And pure Evil..."

"There are llimits even to pure Evil, Jack..."

"Quiet?...Mousy?..."

"What can I say?...My siress was a lot like her in her human

days...Look, what can I do to make it up?...You want the ole

Sallie?..."

Ummn...

"You could do that?..."

"Yeah...But your daughter might find it a little weird..."

"I'd find it a little weird...Quiet, mousy Sallie...?"

"Hard to believe, I know..."

"Would be nice...A little peace...But, eh...I wouldn't know what to do

with her...She might not even wanna stay with me...Hey...?"

"Don't go there, Jack..."

"Did you make her want me...?"

"Jack..."

"As in ...She wouldn't have looked at me without you telling her

to?..."

"I made a suggestion...Remember, evil intent...But she probably

would've gone for you in any case..."

"God...Once again, you have f-d me up...Royally..."

"Sorry...I can reverse it..."

Ponders...

"Nah...Just leave her alone..."

"She must really care to overcome my ball-buster personality now and

then, right?..."

"Just shut up...You f-..."

"Jack..."

"She does do that, sometimes, doesn't she?...Overcome the Sallie..."

"Takes a pretty powerful attraction to overcome a vamp thrall thing,

Jack...Pretty, pretty powerful..."

"Yeah?...Ok...You're still a f- though...And if you ever come near her

or my girl again, minus the soul..."

"I'd want you to do it, Jack..."

"Ok..."

"Of course, you'd do the same to Danson, right?...Without soul, I

mean...Cause that guy loses his all the

time..."

"I don't know...Why, would he come over here if he lost the

soul?...What's Ted's demon got against me?...He hasn't bee fooling

around with Sallie, too, has he?..."

"Couldn't say..."

"Are you covering for him?...F-...And F- you!..."

"Jack..." forlorn cry as Jack races out the door...

"Jack...Hey..." as car starts and races off from driveway...

Sigh...Pulls cell phone...

"Hey, Mary...Is Ted there?..."

Jingle of "Restrain ..." theme...


End file.
